Will this pain ruin my Christmas?

I'm sitting here wondering whether to go to my in-laws for Christmas tomorrow.  I've spent the last 13 Christmases alone because I haven't been up to the 2 hour drive, there and back.  I've had to debate every year whether the pain such travel would cause would outweigh seeing family and friends, and unfortunately the concern about increased pain has always won out.

I do have these wonderful Spinal Cord Stimulators in me now (for more info. on SCS's see: http://www.bostonscientific.com,  as this was the company my pain mgmt. dr. uses) so hopefully the ride will go better.  Below is an image of what a spinal cord implant can look like, courtesy of Nucleus Medical Media.  I have two of them, one for lumbar pain and one for cervical pain.  However while they cover up a good bit of my pain, there's still some areas that these just can't reach (they're strictly for nerve caused pain) and so I've been referred to a 2nd pain mgmt. dr. as my current one specializes in implanting these stimulators.  For a good forum on folks who have these stimulators or are contemplating getting them go to:  http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum118.html.







I think I will try to make the trip and hopefully the conqesquences will be tolerable afterwards.  I have to admit, that the lack of human interaction has been taking it's toll, especially around this time of year, when I see everyone getting ready to travel, spend time with their families etc.

I've also struggled a lot in my Christian walk due to living with chronic pain.  I''ve gone through times of having a pity party to being really mad at God, and often wonder "why me??"  God in his graciousness has allowed me throw the occasional temper tantrum but in the end I come to see that it only adds to my stress and increases my pain.  I don't know why he has allowed me to have so many physical problems and have had many interesting discussions with fellow Christians over why I'm "still" sick.

All I can say to them is that He has chosen the route of using modern medicine and over time has led me to the right doctor for the right problem.  I have to admit that I have grown in my Christian walk through all this, because I've had no choice but to trust in Him and that he has my best interests at heart.  Many a time I've thought about walking away from this whole Christian thing, wondering if my life would get easier, but when it really came down to making that final call I just couldn't do it.  I would always come back to the thought that "though He slay me, yet shall I serve Him" (Job 13:15).   I'd like to share a short reading from one of the authors who have really helped me through my struggles and a brief portion of one of his teachings.  My prayer is that it will inspire you and give you hope as you may also be facing such dilemmas as I.

This will be from Charles H. Spurgeon, a great pastor who struggled with many medical problems, as well as depression.  For brevity, this will not be his entire entry:

Perfect in Weakness

Your faith will never be weak when you are weak. , but when you are strong your faith cannot be strong.  To the Apostle Paul, Jesus said, "My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 5:9).  The only way to increase our faith is through great trouble.  We do not grow strong in faith on sunny days; only in stormy weather do we obtain it.  Strong faith does not drop from heaven in a gentle dew; generally, it comes in the whirlwind and the storm....Great sailors are not made on calm waters, but in the deep , where the wild wind howls and the thunder rolls like drums.  Storms and tempests make tough and hardy sailors....It is that way with the Christian.  Great faith must have great trials.  We must expect great troubles before we can attain great faith.